He in the past has refused counseling, saying our/my life is great and we don’t need it, even if I do. When you want the life you have to work but it doesn’t, and you aren’t sure it can, and when you want a completely different life, too, because human beings are complex and it’s never that simple, which way do you go? Signed, Standing Still *** Dear Sugar, I am a woman in my late twenties who has dated the same guy for almost three years and lived with him for almost a year.
My fear is that, as usual, if I say something, we seem better for a time, and the cycle continues. Do I stay and rub myself out until maybe I am the person I was always expected to be? I never had a good example of a marriage until I was already married, in my in-laws, and we do not look like them. How long do you try before you admit you will never be that person? All of my friends seem to be getting married and I feel as though I should be considering marriage too.
I immersed myself in anything and everything that would mean I didn’t have to face up to not being happy in my relationship—ranging from alcohol to spiritual retreats to drowning my sorrows in work.
I find myself fantasizing about dating other people. I don’t know if this is a temporary feeling, or if this relationship is not meant to continue for the long term.
I’m bored with him and I’m afraid I will get more bored as time goes on.
To be fair, there’s a sizable litany of details about my marriage going back plenty of years, but I’ll give you the basics.
I met my husband almost ten years ago when I was in my early twenties.
I bear the scars of much emotional abuse, some physical abuse, and one sexual assault. He would never hurt me, and I don’t want to hurt him.